he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
