I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
