I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
