Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
