dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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