I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
