yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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