I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm really busy with my period
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