how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
