Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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