yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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