i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
