He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
