At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
