My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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