the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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