Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
