doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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