I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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