She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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