How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
