never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
