You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Randomize
