my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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