IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize