You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
