OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
be right there i have to get my cape
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize