I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
