My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
