a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
