So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize