is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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