Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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