I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
