It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
