how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
