I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
