He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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