Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
