i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
