stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
