We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize