you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
