there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
