You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize