Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize