"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
