she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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