Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
