you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
