so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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