Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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