I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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