Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
