im drinking this country out of the recession.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Are we still banned from the library?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize