dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
