we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize