i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
