A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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