OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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