So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
