I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
