I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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