ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
