He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
