When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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