I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
