Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
