Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
