And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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