I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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