Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
