it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Vodka?
Forever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Randomize
