And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
