i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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