Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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