You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
