oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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